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A conversation with Megan Downey


Megan Downey is a New York City based humor writer, speechwriter and freelancer. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, DC Theatre Scene, Express, The Higgs Weldon, and ZINK Magazine. Below is a conversation I had with Megan about her general thoughts on surviving and thriving as mediocre.

Question 1) Please define mediocrity in your own terms?

MEGAN: Mediocrity means just...un-remarkableness- simply middle of the road, nothing of note- Just kinda there.

I want to give an analogy that’s a sandwich: it would be ham, American cheese, on a simple wheat bread. Maybe there’s some lettuce, maybe not. It’s gonna get the job done, but no one is throwing it a parade.

Question 2) For successful people, the hallmarks of life are marriage, job success, etc. What are the hallmarks/benchmarks of mediocrity?

MEGAN: *thinking* There are so many different things that it could be. One huge measure of success that I have recently experienced is using credit card points— having enough to use them for something. Ooh, a mid 20s milestone: when you get to the point where everyone just puts in their card [at a restaurant] and no one says, ‘I have to do the math...’

Um, opening your friend’s wedding registry and not sorting ‘least to most expensive,’ like ‘I MUST FIND THE TEA TOWEL or whatever it is that's cheap’ but just scrolling through and finding something mid-range.

I want to say something about eating vegetables… or maybe not having to congratulate yourself for eating vegetables, because it becomes so mundane.

This is very on brand for me: being able to afford the clothes they sell at SoulCycle not just the SoulCycle class. I roll in and there are all these broads in head-to-toe outfits and I’m just like how do you get that…?

ME: Oooh yeah, I basically only work out in free t-shirts I've won at stadium tosses.

Exactly. So I’m wearing like a $4 shirt, and the lady next to me is wearing a $78 dollar crop top. But good for her. But also good for me! We both got where we are and that’s what matters.

Question 3) You wrote a piece entitled, “How I Imagine it is to be Rich”, what was your goal with that piece?

MEGAN: That piece I co-wrote with Bizzy Coy who is phenomenal. She and I had been riffing back and forth on Twitter about something, sending jokes. And she said ‘Hey, I think this is an idea'- to write from the perspective of someone not very smart. What would they would imagine it’s like to be super rich? We went through so many different lines, that it probably started with like five times what actually ended up being in the piece. It’s just an absurd picture from someone that is not super smart and what they would imagine life would be like [as a rich person] having no knowledge of that life. I think that’s the first piece of prose satire that I collaborated with someone on.

Question 4) Do you think wealth is something a mediocre individual can aspire to?

MEGAN: Absolutely. Historically there have been a lot of wealthy people that have been mediocre. So I think it’s possible.

I would say that mediocrity does not have to limit almost anything- well mostly if you’re a white man- no limitation at all.

ME: Lol true.

For the rest of us… it could probably still be overcome. (I hope.)

Question 5) Do you consider yourself a mediocre individual or would you say you’re more above average?

MEGAN: I would say I’m above average in some senses and mediocre in others. In terms of creativity and friendships, and definitely in salad making: above average. Killing the game.

*thinks*

...Getting the right combination of weird things to put on toast— lemme tell you: some goat cheese with a sour-cherry jam. SO good. It will change your life. Or not.

ME: Huh, never tried that, but it sounds fancy. I pretty much exclusively stick to PBJ. Or... just P.

I would say I’m mediocre at managing finances, as part of the previously mentioned SoulCycle attendance. But I’ve been trying to learn a lot about it, which I feel is the first step to becoming above average. I didn’t just wake up knowing how to make super great toast, I had to learn.

Question 6) Do you have any advice for young millennials who are more on the mediocre side?

MEGAN: Ok, number 1: Always sign up for the 401K, because if they match, it’s free money. You don’t want to be poor when elderly, you want all that money for retirement.

Number 2: Honesty is really important for both yourself and other people, and sometimes being honest with yourself is hard.

Number 3: Sometimes it’s worth the extra $5 to not go to Trader Joe's, but to save yourself the hour in line you will wait at Trader Joe's. You will spend a $1 more on like 5 things, but also will gain like 40 mins of your life back.

Number 4: No one has all the answers, and being young is hard. There’s a lot to figure out, and you don’t need to be too hard on yourself.

Number 5: Also, it’s always good to have a little bag of nuts or a granola bar in the bottom of your purse, because you never know what will happen in life. You never know when you will be in a train that gets stopped underground, or sitting in an info session where you’re bored. You will never regret having that granola bar.

ME: Oh, man. Making sure there isn't some PTSD involved in that answer?

I've never starved, but I have been on trains to NYC that have taken like six years.

Number 6: Tell the people that you care about that you care about them. No one is ever mad to hear that. Life is crazy and there’s a lot going on, but you can always create a nice moment for yourself and your person by being like ‘Hey, I’m glad I know you.’

ME: Ok, for a second I thought I would have to cut this answer out because of cheesiness, but that's pretty cute.


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