I don't take myself too seriously. I try but it usually fails because anyone even remotely superior sees right through that act. I used to spend so much time trying to be "that" girl- the one that other girls look up to and respect. Someone that you want to be best friends with because she's just that good at existing in the human world. The kind of person who is friendly, but stern; calm, but with a wild side; super smart, but isn't in your face about it. Women like Issa Rae, Gal Gadot, Serena Williams, Emma Watson.
In reality, I'm more like Steve Buscemi- I mean well, but the message isn't always conveyed correctly. I'm the kind of person that wears their cutest skirt to the first family reunion in Italy, and then promptly trips in said skirt down a flight of stairs, flashing the entire family and bruising their tailbone in the process. So the cat's out of the bag now, I am who I am and I've decided to own it.
It confuses me when people don't see that about me though... when they actually think I'm cool. Like when my boss gives me extra responsibility at work because I've "shown exceptional management skills"- I have to confirm: you mean me right? The same girl that rolled up into your office four times yesterday to "ask a question" when really I was just stealing a piece of Dove chocolate?
Honestly, if you asked me how I was able to obtain said job in the first place, I couldn't tell you. I'd like to say it is my natural charm and brilliant resume, but truthfully it's because I'm good at faking it 'til I make it. For a long time I've just been a child playing dress-up in grown-up clothes and then I guess one day that became my reality. At the ripe age of 24, living in our nation's capital and working for a nonprofit, I guess I can't pretend I don't know how to be an adult anymore. No longer can I use the excuse "I'm a poor college student."
I used to think if I wasn't the best, I wasn't good enough. But life doesn't work like that. Someone will always be "better" than you- prettier, smarter, stronger. But "better" is a relative term. Humans shouldn't be divided into such define-able categories. Everyone has a unique personality trait to offer to the world, and once you accept what you have to offer, you can truly be your best self. For example, I'm terrible at math, but give me a list of numbers to remember and I can repeat them to you automatically. (Sounds lame, but wait until you're on the phone frantically looking for a pen to write down your new account number and there's no pen in sight. *wink)
The point is I've got skills. Everyone does. Maybe not the ones that society tells us are the most marketable, but once you learn to market them for yourself, nothing can stand in your way. My friends and family have been telling me for years to start a blog. I've always had the reaction of pffft! What would I write about! I'm not a fashionista or a world traveler (not to mention I think those particular genres are thoroughly covered.) But then I started to realize I could write about... me. My life isn't exceptionally extraordinary, but whose is? I'm here to write about all the ups and downs of the trauma and embarrassment I've inflicted upon myself in my 24 years of life. So if you too are an ordinary human who is learning to thrive in mediocrity, I'm here to tell you: you're not alone.